Core beliefs are the deep-seated, often unconscious conclusions we formed about ourselves, others, and the world when we were young. They were shaped by our earliest experiences—what we were told, what we observed, and how we were treated. These beliefs become the lens through which we interpret everything, influencing how we think, feel, and behave in our relationships and daily lives.
The challenge is that many of these beliefs were formed when we had limited understanding and very little control. A child who felt responsible for keeping the peace in a chaotic home may carry a belief that their worth is tied to how well they manage other people’s emotions. Someone who was constantly praised for their achievements but not for who they were may develop the belief that they are only as valuable as their latest success.
If left unexamined, these outdated beliefs quietly dictate our choices, our patterns, and even our struggles. But when we take the time to identify them, we gain the power to challenge and reshape them. We can start to differentiate between what was once necessary for survival and what is actually true for us now. This process is foundational to emotional intelligence and relational health—because when we understand the beliefs that drive us, we can begin to live and connect from a place of awareness rather than unconscious conditioning.
Here's a simplified example of a core belief and how to challenge yourself to grow out of that core belief and into a more mature, developed belief of who you are today.
Core Belief: "I have to be perfect to be loved."
Example Behavior: excessively reviewing work for mistakes, excessive people-pleasing, avoiding doing things you don't know you are good at, etc.
Reinforcement: Perfectionism may bring praise or approval, strengthening the idea that anything less is unacceptable.
Growth Challenge Belief: "I am hard working, kind, and fun -I am lovable and loving!"
New Behavior: Double check your work but remind yourself that mistakes are human and hold a boundary for yourself to not check more than twice while reminding yourself that typos have nothing to do with being lovable, damnit!
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